The day after

Ok, yesterday didn't turn out the way I hoped, but today is a new day and I'm gonna try to do the best I can to make it a good one. I just realized that this is not the life I want to have and live. I know deep inside that I deserve to be happy, fit and lean. But there's still something holding me back and now I'm trying to figure out what that thing is. After doing an exercise at the Fit Shack, it made it clear for me that my self-esteem is really really low. Crap. Well, it wasn't such a shocker, since I knew all along that I'm not good at standing up for myself, saying no, speaking my mind etc. I rather just do what people tell me to do or I go away if there is an argument about to start.

I know that's wrong and I should just step up and say what bothers me. Sometimes I just want to shout, scream, run away and leave this life behind. I can't take it anymore. I feel like a caged bird, sometimes I can't breath, because I feel so stuck inside this life which is making me sick to my stomach. I have this job that is numbing me, I have very hard time getting up in the morning and getting ready to go to work, because I know it's gonna be the same day again - I'll be sitting at a desk, doing something I see no purpose in doing. 

And another day passed by at the job I hate. Well, it was expected. And I'm gonna have the same day tomorrow. Lucky me. I'm waiting for some inspiration. For a sign. For something to tell me that I really need to change this life. I hope I will find that something sooner rather than later.